Waiting in Line for Love

An unplanned outing to an amusement park offered a great opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level than most "first dates."

photo by some sneaky unnamed friend

For years, I had endured a long line of boyfriends, all proving in one way or another to be extremely inappropriate for me. Many well-meaning friends and mentors gave lots of advice and encouragement as well as hook-ups, but never did I realize that waiting in long lines At an amusement park would be the best way to find my soul mate.

When I first saw my future husband, Jeff, my friends and I were working a gift wrapping booth at a Christmas Faire. He sidled up to the counter and leered at me. Scared me to death. My expression of terror obviously turned him off and he sauntered away with his buddy. Despite this awkward encounter, it was not the end of the story.

Spending life alone no longer appealed for me. In fact, it was damned lonely and I was over it. As my frustration grew, the urge to pray snuck up on me. Lying there in bed, I said, "Who's out there that will love me the same way I love him? The timing's always off. Throw me a bone here, please."

Jeff's name entered my consciousness. Whispered in my ear. Ran across the newsfeed of my brain. Serendipity was up to her usual mischief again.

"JEFF???? What are you thinking? I'm not good enough for him. He's too … he's too …" what was the word for it. Mature? Besides, he scared me to death with that manly leer of his. I sat up in bed, wondering about that all night. At thirty one, I was still trying to graduate from guys to men.

A few days later while talking with my friend, Ruth, I mentioned Jeff in passing, trying to be as non-chalant as possible. She picked up on the ploy immediately.

“Oh, he and Mary make the cutest couple. He seems quite taken by her.”

Well, that doused that fire! Rather than swoop in and steal him away from Mary, I decided to wait and see. I've learned that if I forced anything to happen, Murphy would spoil it all. Serendipity would give things a push in the right direction whether I understood her process or not. By mentioning Jeff to Ruth, I at least sent the message into the Universe that I'm interested. I should have faith and relax. Serendipity will pull the pieces in line.

In the religious community in which I lived then, Ruth and her husband, Paul, hosted a Friday night gathering just to get people together. Very casual and a good, safe place to build relationships. Jeff rented the studio in their renovated barn while completing his last year in school.

Coming home during the height of the festivities, he spotted Mary cavorting on a couch with her former boyfriend, Duncan. Frankly, I was ready to tell them to get a room. It was quite a spectacle. The rest of the guests didn’t seem to notice this little drama, but I watched with deep interest as Jeff stood there, appraising this new wrinkle in their relationship. Was Serendipity introducing a wedge in this love match?

In disgust, Jeff left the room for the rest of the evening. I thought to myself “all the barriers are down.” Mary didn’t know what she was about to lose. What's more, I didn't even have to try. Serendipity had already set up the next step.

Photo by Shrey Gupta on Unsplash

A few days later, on July 4th, the phone rang. It was Jeff. “I have a really tacky thing to ask,” he said. “Would you like to go to Great America with me?”

“Sure!. What’s so tacky about that?”

“You need to be ready in twenty minutes.”

I dropped my laundry basket and said, ”I’ll be ready by the time you get here.”

Mary had decided to spend the holiday with Duncan, thus breaking her date with Jeff. I quickly changed and put on some makeup; ready to go just as I heard the knock on the door.

Like all theme parks, Great America on the Fourth of July was packed with holiday revelers. Lines to every ride took at least an hour to get through. While Jeff and I didn’t get in too many rides that day, we discovered that waiting in line is a great opportunity to hold revealing conversations. We were stuck in those serpentine lines, talking about anything that popped into our heads. Personal histories. Career goals. How we wanted to decorate our homes. We both liked the idea of a bed hanging from chains and covered in sheepskins. I mean, what woman wouldn't go for … well, I digress.

By the time we attended the evening concert of Paul Revere and the Raiders, fireworks bursting overhead, we were busy making fireworks of our own.

As a result, Mary was extremely upset with me for stealing her boyfriend. She even phoned me one evening to talk about property lines. Jeff was sitting on my couch at the time and smirked when I told her I don't have any respect for property lines that didn't really exist. She had cut the barbed wire to her heart.

In the months that followed, I learned how to grow into the life Jeff could offer me. Indeed, I was good enough for him. That idea just had to take hold of my self-esteem and give it a good shake. He told me stories about how women he had dated sabotaged success in achieving their goals because they didn't think they were good enough. They'd always devise some weird way to mess up at the critical moment. Mary's little ruse was sleeping in on the day of an important event and missing her flight. And then Duncan just happened to re-enter her life when things with Jeff were getting too hot.

In the months after I had moved from Salt Lake City to Santa Cruz, there was a lot of cultural baggage to trade in on new self-assessments. I had to step up from my working class, do-as-you're-told thought patterns to promote myself in my business affairs. My new religious beliefs required redirecting my attitudes towards possible leadership in my community rather than slavish obedience to a Quorum of Apostles. Already, I had been tackling lots of heavy changes challenging my self-esteem. Under it all was the imperative to find a mate and establish a family. I had always believed that prospect depended on another person's opinion of me and, therefore, far beyond my reach.

Then Jeff entered my realm, a strong, reliable, stable, intelligent MAN. Not a guy. There's a difference in that concept even as there's a difference in a female thinking of herself as a woman rather than a girl, or chick, or … you fill in the blank. I was still struggling with the concept of Adult, and that realization didn't sink in until I held our daughter in my arms. It slammed me like a sledgehammer at that moment when I looked into my baby’s eyes and realized I had crossed the threshold between Maiden and Mother.

Relationships don't occur on the first date or even the first year. They grow over a long time together, going through the daily stuff, learning how we fill the voids in our abilities, accepting each other's faults and failures, building a history together. With all we had in common, Jeff and I learned we were both able to survive whatever marriage threw at us.

What really brought that home for me was a silly dynamic that happened while a member of an employee bowling league. Every time he walked into the bowling alley, I started rolling strikes. One right after another! It was a sign from Serendipity. "This is the one, girl. Don't screw it up."

Jeff and I married one year later on the Fourth of July, passing at least three other weddings on the way to our own. It seems that Independence Day doesn’t discourage couples from leaving behind their independent lives. And as Jeff pointed out, it's an easy anniversary date for husbands to remember. His devilish humor has always warmed my heart. In fact, there are jokes between us that leave everyone else scratching their heads.

Today we're celebrating forty-three years together. Thank you, Serendipity. I'm glad I listened to your sweet voice in my ear and seized the opportunity to grow up.

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