For twelve years, my husband commuted to the Bay Area while my daughter and I lived in Truckee, CA, a resort town in the Sierra Nevada. We each lived vastly different lives.
Oh, Sue! This is so beautifully lyrical. It reads like a song -- I can almost hum the melody. There are so many memorable images here. "He always leaves me with something..." "This cancer of separation is never really numbed..." "His age doesn’t match his years. The numbers don’t add up..." "...he joins me in a dance around our frailties..." This is a clear definition of long-distance love - the frustration, the yearning, the acceptance. But, still, a slightly bitter acceptance. Let's have more!
Thank you, Sharron. As for more on this topic (???) maybe, maybe not. Those are years best seen in the rearview mirror. But it is a topic to be explored. lately I've thought of Annie Denver and how her long-distance husband, John, and she lived this life for fifteen years. And he had women pounding on the door, literally. (Another short story?) She said it as like sharing him with the whole world. So I don't really feel like our span of separation was that bad. Since she never remarried, her "separation" continued after their divorce. He would send her flowers on her birthday until he died. Now THAT;S a tragic love story.
I skimmed thru this. Can’t dive in. Tears coming just thinking - 51 years… so in love. Mystical. Life intruded. Not unlike in yours- so hard to be brave at times. Ok. Good luck Sue
And good luck to you, Lisa. Sometimes it is lonely to be married. We're visiting my SIL now and she cares for her husband who has dementia. They've had a long active, social life together. Now that's gone. Now that's lonely.
My “mom & dad” (in-laws) had 60 years. The last 7-10 she had Alzheimer’s, that just gets worse.
It killed “dad,” before her! He had a pace maker & COPD & towards the end, she didn’t know him at times. It was too much for him! She lived another 3 years. Though I put it in quote marks - I met them at age 20. They were a mom & dad to me too though. My own mother left when I was 12 & her mother a little over a year later when I got my period a few months after I turned 14. I didn’t realize the relevance then of course.
So they were like the family I thought I’d have before the divorce. It was just a little later in life, but made all the difference. And like family supported us in every way possible all their lives, so I can understand.
My husband has been disabled since I was pregnant with our 3rd child 45 years ago. Now it is such a struggle some days. It’s like being torn. Not wanting to see him degenerate & suffer all that means, while also wanting to be closer as the time we know that‘s inevitable gets closer.
Thank you for sharing. It helps to know we are not alone. We all go through the same trials of life.
You have had so much more loss than I, Lisa. I could rhapsodize about how that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but sometimes that's just a load of crap. Indeed, perhaps your childhood losses help you endure the deep challenges that you live with now. My husband and I just returned from a funeral visit to relatives, staying with his sister. Her husband has recently started that long slide into demented oblivion and it's really hard for her to adjust. She has lived an idealic, California lifestyle, perhaps in ways you and I would probably think as very "Brady Family." Now she's joined the ranks of uncontrollable circumstances we all face. Meanwhile, her sister, the widow of the man whose funeral we attended, is deep into dementia. Likewise, though, she married well and lives an opulant lifestyle. She's fortunate to have home care rather than living her last years in a facility that may care for her needs ... or not. When her husband knew how she would be cared for, he said, "now I can die." It was a very revealing family adventure this week and gave us lots of things to think about for our future and lots to be grateful for. Eras come to an end, but what happens next may be even better. Who knows? Bless you, Lisa. I'm glad that my writings can give some kind of connection between us. I appreciate knowing that. Thank you.
Oh, Sue! This is so beautifully lyrical. It reads like a song -- I can almost hum the melody. There are so many memorable images here. "He always leaves me with something..." "This cancer of separation is never really numbed..." "His age doesn’t match his years. The numbers don’t add up..." "...he joins me in a dance around our frailties..." This is a clear definition of long-distance love - the frustration, the yearning, the acceptance. But, still, a slightly bitter acceptance. Let's have more!
Thank you, Sharron. As for more on this topic (???) maybe, maybe not. Those are years best seen in the rearview mirror. But it is a topic to be explored. lately I've thought of Annie Denver and how her long-distance husband, John, and she lived this life for fifteen years. And he had women pounding on the door, literally. (Another short story?) She said it as like sharing him with the whole world. So I don't really feel like our span of separation was that bad. Since she never remarried, her "separation" continued after their divorce. He would send her flowers on her birthday until he died. Now THAT;S a tragic love story.
For much less, two years I lived a 5.5 hour drive from my girlfriend. Then she found someone closer. Enough said.
Oh wow, this really, really works - an absolutely beautiful piece of writing.
Thank you, Rebecca. Yes, it was amazing how three poems merged to tell a story.
I skimmed thru this. Can’t dive in. Tears coming just thinking - 51 years… so in love. Mystical. Life intruded. Not unlike in yours- so hard to be brave at times. Ok. Good luck Sue
And good luck to you, Lisa. Sometimes it is lonely to be married. We're visiting my SIL now and she cares for her husband who has dementia. They've had a long active, social life together. Now that's gone. Now that's lonely.
Dear Sue,
So very lonely at times!!
My “mom & dad” (in-laws) had 60 years. The last 7-10 she had Alzheimer’s, that just gets worse.
It killed “dad,” before her! He had a pace maker & COPD & towards the end, she didn’t know him at times. It was too much for him! She lived another 3 years. Though I put it in quote marks - I met them at age 20. They were a mom & dad to me too though. My own mother left when I was 12 & her mother a little over a year later when I got my period a few months after I turned 14. I didn’t realize the relevance then of course.
So they were like the family I thought I’d have before the divorce. It was just a little later in life, but made all the difference. And like family supported us in every way possible all their lives, so I can understand.
My husband has been disabled since I was pregnant with our 3rd child 45 years ago. Now it is such a struggle some days. It’s like being torn. Not wanting to see him degenerate & suffer all that means, while also wanting to be closer as the time we know that‘s inevitable gets closer.
Thank you for sharing. It helps to know we are not alone. We all go through the same trials of life.
Lisa 🤗
You have had so much more loss than I, Lisa. I could rhapsodize about how that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but sometimes that's just a load of crap. Indeed, perhaps your childhood losses help you endure the deep challenges that you live with now. My husband and I just returned from a funeral visit to relatives, staying with his sister. Her husband has recently started that long slide into demented oblivion and it's really hard for her to adjust. She has lived an idealic, California lifestyle, perhaps in ways you and I would probably think as very "Brady Family." Now she's joined the ranks of uncontrollable circumstances we all face. Meanwhile, her sister, the widow of the man whose funeral we attended, is deep into dementia. Likewise, though, she married well and lives an opulant lifestyle. She's fortunate to have home care rather than living her last years in a facility that may care for her needs ... or not. When her husband knew how she would be cared for, he said, "now I can die." It was a very revealing family adventure this week and gave us lots of things to think about for our future and lots to be grateful for. Eras come to an end, but what happens next may be even better. Who knows? Bless you, Lisa. I'm glad that my writings can give some kind of connection between us. I appreciate knowing that. Thank you.
Aww. ☺️. Tx. For the reply.
Spectacular economy of word and brilliant imagery! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you, Mary. The economy comes from merging three poems into a prose piece. I cheated. a bit.
That's not cheating. That's craft! Well done you!