Like a Womb
A much-needed nap relieves the tension and loneliness, even for a brief hour or two, for a kibbutz volunteer. Her Christian-Arab hostess demonstrates the true spirit of forgiveness.
Holidays away from home can split a heart in two. The unique and exotic excites my youthful spirit while the yearning for family, for something familiar, languishes under fear of unknown expectations. Wide-eyed wonder betrays my cool. That nervous itch to show my worldly confidence instead ends up being a stupid faux pas … such as speaking Hebrew to the children of my Palestinian hostess.
The flash of anger in Jeanette's eyes quickly subsides as I apologize and listen to her and Gillian recall old times, past visits, and the family gatherings Gillian attended in Jeanette's Arab village north of Haifa. I keep my mouth shut, trying to blend in with the fabric on the couch. I struggle to keep my bronchial cough silent as I try to be invisible. The cough wins.
Jeanette takes my hand and leads me to a windowless room. Her home sits upon Haifa's mountainside, across the street from the Baha'I World Center. Its copper dome gleams in the pallid winter sun as a beacon to the world. Taxi drivers stop to show it off to tourists. This room in Jeanette's house is under the roadbed, deep inside the earth. Its smooth walls shape a rounded cavern where only a bed can fit. It is dark and welcoming.
She lifts the thick duvet for me and leaves me to huddle beneath its warmth and weight. I am weary after months spent in this contentious country. I can no longer favor one side over the other, especially after all that's happened. The damp Mediterranean climate doesn't help either. The blanket on my cot at the kibbutz still hasn't dried after a sudden rainstorm blew through my open window. I haven't rested well since an encounter with a Bedouin man during a walk in the countryside. My navy pea coat in which I seek solace barely bars the cold that seeps into my bones. I ache all over and the persistent cough shakes my whole body as well as my resolve. I wish I could die inside this womb of rock under the shrine whose religion, once I return home, will revive my spirit with its aims to eliminate prejudice and unite humanity.
Jeanette wakes me from a deep slumber. I must get up now, ride with Gillian on an Egged bus back to the kibbutz, to my sodden bed and the clamor of my collegiate roommates. The kibbutz celebrations for Hanukah add to the blur. A long-distance call on Christmas Day to Dad and my sister trips lightly over secrets I can't yet reveal. There is a court trial to endure and the remainder of my obligation here. Menachem asked if I'd like to join the kibbutz. His offer catches me between two places that suspend me in limbo. After four months, I know I can't fit into this culture? And how do I squeeze back into my family and the familiar mindset when I return home?
Here is a link to a Dec. 7, 2023 post of Christmas in Kibbutz Usha.
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All my books, Paradise Ridge, When the Horses Come and Go, and Ghost in the Forest are currently available on Kindle.
Ghost in the Forest, is also available in paperback for ten bucks. Paradise Ridge is out-of-print, but the Kindle version is re-edited and better quality. Hard copies of When the Horses Come and Go are gone unless that dusty box in the corner still has some.
Book Review of Ghost in the Forest:
"Ghost in The Forest' is a great read! Take note People. If you love stories about environmentalism and nature, its clash with urban mindsets, as well as personal transformation, this is the book for you!
"Ghost in The Forest" is a quick 126-page read. It's the story of Dori, a woman trapped in a mix of grief over parental loss and refusing to accept how her hometown and her friends have changed over the years. Because of this, Dori has become a recluse and a self-imposed misanthrope who finds more comfort amongst the hiking trails around her hometown of Morristown than in her dealings with the raw reality of other humans.
The book, in some ways, resembled Edward Abbey’s “Desert Solitaire” in that the story follows a protagonist's love of nature and angst about humans encroaching on it. In this case, it’s how Morristown is transforming into a mountain biking destination where cyclists run rampant on trails and nature.
However, a tragedy involving said mountain biking becomes a major pivot point for Dori, leading to a series of events that eventually bring about personal evolution and discovery.
If you're a nature lover, this book is a must-read. It beautifully portrays the clash between environmentalism and urban mindsets and the journey of personal transformation. The book's vivid descriptions of nature and the protagonist's love for it will surely intrigue you.
Paradise Ridge Review by western author D. B. Jackson:
If you draw circle roughly around an area that includes northern Nevada, southern Oregon, and southern Idaho, within that circle exists a culture and people who live a lifestyle largely untouched by modern values. These are the "buckaroos" and Basque characters author Sue Cauhape brings to life in her literary novel, "Paradise Ridge".
Leandro, the illegitimate seventh son of patriarch Xavier Arriaga and his mistress, Gisela, is at the center of this intriguing story that travels exceedingly successfully at both the personal level of the characters, as well as the compelling level where the story is told.
Cauhape writes in a literary style that reminds me of Annie Poulx. Paradise Ridge, on the surface, appears to be an upscale Western novel...once inside the pages, you will soon discover a potential classic waiting to be discovered.
I rated this book a 5...because that's all the stars there were.
I can feel and smell those damp wool blankets. They offer no comfort at all. And the last question about squeezing back into your own culture really hits home to me. After four months living in that milieu, you return home a changed person. Your home culture looks so superficial, and banal, and you are neither here nor there. It takes a while for the anomie to disperse... I know. Beautifully written, Sue.